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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27593639">It Ebbs and Flows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthederpyfox/pseuds/imthederpyfox'>imthederpyfox</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Marvel [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU sort of, Angst, Bad Parenting, Blood, Burning, Crying, Cutting, Death, F/M, Fighting, Hurt, Insanity, Loki Needs a Hug, Malnutrition, Maybe more - Freeform, Mention of injuries, Mind Control, Mourning, Pain, Regret, Sacrifice, Sadness, Self Harm, Self Isolation, Self-Blame, Sort Of, Stabbing, Starvation, Suicidal Loki, Suicidal Tendancies, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempts, Time Travel, Torture, Violence, Wounds, dark world events, duh - Freeform, helf-harm, let me know if i missed any, magic use, mention of rape, multiple - Freeform, people shouldn't let me write about my favourite characters, prisoner, self-hate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:53:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27593639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthederpyfox/pseuds/imthederpyfox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki was supposed to be dead. So why had he woken up? Alone and bleeding, in the dark world?</p>
<p>He had been so looking forward to not having to feel anything ever again. </p>
<p>Why did nothing ever go as he had planned?</p>
<p>AKA, the universe isn't done with Loki even though he's done with the universe. This may get a bit confusing, there's gonna be a big mystery and it's gonna be a long one~</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>all platonic really, other than the already established ones in canon, platonic Thorki - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Marvel [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1170458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Open Wound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've had this idea for a while, figured I'd give it a shot!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I wanted this one to be longer, but I can't really do much about it now, my brain just doesn't want to work I guess...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He hadn't been actively trying to stay alive. </p><p>In all honesty, he'd been careless, not expecting to come out the other side of Thor's dim-witted scheme. When he pushed Jane out of the way of the strange device he easily had enough time to move as well, and he knew it. But he stood, watched, let it drag him upwards. He'd felt the weightlessness and thought, finally, maybe it would end. <br/>
But no, Thor had saved him and the fight continued. </p><p>He could have easily let himself be killed against the dark elves, there were many of them, and he had the excuse of being locked in that gods-forsaken cell for months on end, wearing down his fighting skills - though it was all second nature to him at this point. But he had won when he'd seen Thor getting himself pummelled into the dusty ground with no sign of his oaf of a brother getting back up. <br/>
<br/>
He could have easily teleported away, moved at least, out of that monsters plan. He didn't have to let himself be impaled on the rusty, serrated blade. But the fight was over regardless, and at least this way he could spend his afterlife in Valhalla, dying in battle, a noble death. Though<em> any</em> death at this point would have been a blessing. <br/>
It had hurt more than he thought, to have the large object pierce his middle, <em>ripping</em> through him. His clothes had soaked quicker than he would have liked as well, as he was tossed to the dirty, dark ground. At least he knew that monster would be gone as well, maybe Thor might even manage to save the worlds again, who knows?</p><p>Thor was saying something, he could barely make it out, forcing himself to focus, agreeing with whatever the oaf was saying to give him some kind of relief. He was fading quickly, he knew, and all he could think was that his brothers tears were unwarranted, unearned, unnecessary. Why would he waste his tears on the no-good God of Lies? He choked on a laugh, feeling the blood pool in his throat. Not long now. </p><p>Loki hadn't been careful, hadn't been attempting to keep himself alive. For all he had cared, Thor could have thrown him out of the ship and be<em> done</em> with him, no rescue ship with Fendral, so happy family moment, just sweet release. </p><p>Of course, nothing ever happened how the god wanted it to. Because death wasn't happening quite as he had planned. <br/>
There was no Valkyrie to guide him through the darkness that met him in the afterlife, no great doors leading into the grand halls of Valhalla. Nothing really, except an empty darkness, echoing around him, seemingly never-ending, and yet, something was wrong. </p><p>Because, surely, if he were dead, then he wouldn't feel pain? He wouldn't feel the struggle to breathe, he wouldn't feel sore all over and the need to cough his lungs out? <br/>
<br/>
No, somehow, despite actively avoiding staying alive as best he could, Loki still lived. <br/>
<br/>
It was made apparent when he shot up, agony filling him in a sharp burst as he spluttered on the blood, gripping his middle because that's where the pain seemed to be coming from. His breath caught in his throat and he tried to suck in air as best he could. Eventually the pain subsided enough that he managed to take a shuddered, raspy breath. "Norns..." He whispered to himself, looking around frantically. Well, it certainly wasn't Valhalla. </p><p>It seemed someone was playing some form of cruel trick on the god, because realisation slowly dawned on him amidst the pain that he was laying on that desolate, dark world. The black sand shifted beneath him as he tried to push himself up, only succeeding in falling onto his side, groaning as all air left him again. Just his luck that death had other plans for him, a sick twist of fait that he couldn't just <em>die</em>. No, no, of course he would wake up alone, gods know how long after the battle. It flitted through his mind that nobody had come for his body, and he scoffed a little, because who would? Nobody would have cared enough about him, regardless of Thor saying something about explaining this all to his dear dad. Odin wouldn't care, because Loki wasn't his son. </p><p>He coughed to get the blood from his throat, but regretted it instantly as jolts of pain ripped through his abdomen. Pulling his hand away from his stomach, he saw the deep crimson, almost purple blood and clenched his eyes closed. He <em>should</em> be dead. And that wasn't his pessimism talking, because he <em>knew</em> that even a<em> god</em> shouldn't have survived that wound. <br/>
But there was no use dwelling on how he was still alive, because he was, and it was painful. </p><p>Giving himself another moment of laying unceremoniously in the dirt, trying to settle the radiating pain as much as possible and will himself to actually move, he forced himself up onto his hands and knees. It hurt. An understatement for the overbearing urge to both vomit and pass out at the same time, really. <br/>
Spitting blood onto the floor he steadied himself, waiting for the edges of his vision to return from the darkness calling him, and made himself stand. </p><p>His legs shook and collapsed once again and he doubled over atop his folded legs, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes, he'd never known one person could be in such pain. </p><p>The dark was calling to him, and who was he to deny it?</p><p>------------</p><p>Once again he awoke on the desolate surface of the dark world and again he knew he should be dead. <br/>
The pain was still there and he was beginning to wonder if this was the afterlife, though he knew Hel was supposed to be a cold, endless tundra, perhaps the god of the underworld was being cruel to him, knowing his heritage? He wouldn't question it, he didn't really have the mental capacity to question it right now. </p><p>The searing hurt in his stomach was becoming tiresome, in all his days, including the year he would rather not think about, he hadn't known a pain like it, as if something was forcing its' way through his body that shouldn't have been there. Perhaps the blade was poisoned? It would make sense, except that he wasn't dead. <br/>
This time he managed to get to his feet, his legs wavered but sheer will-power kept him mostly upright. If the universe was forcing him to stay alive for whatever reason he couldn't fathom, then he was damned if he was spending any more time here. </p><p>It was a long journey back to the gateway, surprisingly the Asgardian ship was still there, though it wasn't working, so he'd set off on foot, each step making him wish he had never been born. <br/>
There was many a time he fell to his knees, his vision swimming and his legs buckling, not able to keep his thin frame up any longer. Some times he would pass out, others he would attempt to steady himself for a while before continuing on. <br/>
<br/>
A trail of blood stained the ground beneath him the entire way back, but he didn't focus on it. There was nothing he could do as the wound kept opening when he jostled or moved too much, and yet the norns still refused to let him die. Stupid norns...<br/>
Unsure how long he'd been travelling, he felt the familiar power of the magic that created the tear in the realms. He knew where they all were, somehow, since he'd been a child, he'd been able to feel them. It lead him to many an adventure when Thor refused to let him play with him and his friends. </p><p>Now was just the issue of the climb up the rocks to the passageway. <br/>
<br/>
If he'd been more coherent, had more blood still in his body, he may have attempted to call upon his magic to help him, but he was exhausted. He was tired and fed up and just wanted to bathe and sleep in all honesty. <br/>
So he began the climb, and after the first rock he collapsed back down to the sandy floor, feeling the dusty ground forcing its way into his wound and making him groan. It wasn't long before the pain was all he could feel, and he promptly vomited on the floor. How princely of him. He huffed, using all his strength to ignore the pain and force himself up, ignore that he shook and that the edges of his vison danced in his wary, pitiful state. </p><p>If only his mother could see him now...</p><p>Gritting his teeth, he gripped the rocks once again, hauling himself up and in the process, forcing his wound against the jagged surface. He almost slipped, his palms bleeding and numb from the sharp rocks, but he kept going. Nobody could say he wasn't tenacious...<br/>
He had to pause often, just as before, and he'd fallen multiple times to lower rocks, hurting his already aching body in the process, but he finally made it. </p><p>The dark tunnel stood before him and he let his shoulder fall to the wall, hard, sliding down to the floor with deep, jagged breaths. He could just close his eyes for a moment... But no. The soft breeze from the tunnel smelt of the sea, of the waters that surrounded Asgard, and in that moment, he simply wanted to be home. </p><p>So he trudged on once again. If they had had the decency to at least <em>try</em> to find his body, this would have been so much easier... a grimace plastered itself on his face again as his steps - if you could call the now slow shuffling of his boots across the jagged rocks 'steps' - rocked his entire being. The darkness of the tunnel enveloped him, but he would be there soon, just a little further, he was almost there.</p><p>But no, the agony returned, worse than before, rupturing his being, causing him to drop to his knees in an instant, wrapping his arms around himself and gripping on in some hope of release. <br/>
Cursing any being that may be listening until he felt his arms get lifted above him, dragged upward until his body hung there. He didn't want to open his eyes, because the pain was still too much, but the whisper of a voice he had hoped to never hear again sent chills over him and his eyes snapped wide. </p><p>His breathing caught as he stared at the man before him. Thanos... <br/>
"Finally awake? I thought gods could take more than that." The man chuckled darkly, and Loki could only stare in shock. But... he'd escaped Thanos? The Chitari were destroyed! But here he was, a room he knew all too well, chained to the wall, between sessions of whipping, abuse, burning... he clenched his eyes shut, trying to shift himself free of the chains, forcing his feet up against the wall and pushing, though he knew it was pointless. </p><p>It felt so real... this was real... he'd been dreaming the dark world, Thor, the dark elves. He'd dreamt it all in an attempt to escape Thanos and his beatings. He had been so sure it was real, he'd managed to get away from Thanos' control, but waking here it was obvious. He was still lost, afraid, tortured and hurting and stuck with a psychopath that wasn't himself...<br/>
It didn't take long for the torture and games to begin. Blood had a horrible smell, especially in access. Most of the pain was centred around his middle this time, as if ripping him in half was Thanos' plan. Unsure how long it had been, but confident it was at least weeks, perhaps even a month, it finally ended. <br/>
<br/>
He was seething, still hung in the same space, gasping for air as blood dried and stuck to his skin, dripped down his face, tasting like iron as it pooled in his mouth. <br/>
Thanos promised to return soon, and Loki waited until he was gone to scream his anger out. He shook, finally let himself cry now that no one was hear to see or hear him. <br/>
But just like that, he was curled on the floor, hyperventilating, sitting in the dark, a soft breeze caressing his face as he tried to force himself into the present, to figure out where exactly he was now, who would be coming to attack him. He forced his tears down, not willing to let anyone see him cry, and it slowly came back to him as he glanced to the side, seeing the mouth of the cave where the breeze entered. The soft sound of waves filled his ears, the smell of the waters of Asgard, of<em> home</em>. </p><p>It took too long for the memories of torture to leave his damaged mind, he still shook and felt as if any second he would be back in that room with Thanos. Some part of him knew that that fear ran deeper and more subliminal than he wanted to admit, but he'd be damned if he didn't try his hardest to suppress it down, ignore it happened and be the Loki everyone knew... everyone <em>expected</em> him to be. <br/>
But as soon as he forced himself to stand, he fell down again, crashing hard into the ground and gripping his stomach. The wound was still there and had opened once again, despite the fact that he had been gone weeks, held captive by Thanos... though he wondered how he had escaped. Choosing not to dwell because it wouldn't do him any good to do so, he grit his teeth, clenched his fists and forced himself to stand. He was almost home. He wasn't giving up now. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Bloody Trail</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was one of the harder portals to return from without a boat or transport. Even more so when one had a gaping hole in the abdomen. <br/>
The sharp rocks were hard to walk on and it took what felt like days to get even close to the castle, fortunately he knew of another secret tunnel that would bring him out in the gardens. Even more fortunate was that it was now night time, so nobody would be around, well, very few people and that would be easier to avoid than the middle of the day. </p><p>Not that Loki was able to pay much attention to his surroundings, not with the pounding in his head and the pain throughout his entire being. <br/>
He finally made it back, bloody and dirty and exhausted, unsure where he was going until he wound up outside the common room where his brother and friends liked to hang out. The door was ajar and through the gap be could see the warriors three and Sif heading for the exit, shouting and being their loud selves as usual. He stepped to one side, watching them head away down the corridor, unbeknown to his presence in the shadows. He watched them go, exhaling nervously.<br/>
<br/>
He wasn't sure where the sudden anxiety had some from really, and he turned to look back at the room, his hands shaking at his sides as he stared at Thor, who was putting some things back on the shelves and sipping on a jug of ale. <br/>
Loki didn't know what to do, his feet had bought him here, brought him to Thor, but suddenly he felt sick, he didn't know what his brother's reaction would actually be, and he was scared to find out. </p><p>Too late now, as the god of thunder turned, freezing on the spot and the two men stared at each other. The jug slipped from Thor's hand, crashing to the floor with a loud clatter and Loki couldn't drag his eyes away, too scared that if he so much as moved, he'd be back on that godforsaken planet, buried in the dust, or that Thor would beat the hell out of him. With the way the other Asgardian was looking at him, it looked that way regardless, and as Thor made his way over, he felt his legs finally buckle as he swayed and crashed to the floor, Thor only just managing to reach him and stop his top half from hitting the floor as well. <br/>
<br/>
"Brother?!" Thor asked, his expression not hiding his shock at seeing his brother in this condition, let alone the shock of seeing him again after he'd died... for the second time. "Loki, what happened?"<br/>
Loki couldn't bring himself to talk, let alone keep his eyes open. He just wanted to sleep, and now he was back home, all he could think of was passing out. He tried to push himself out of Thor's arms, but quickly gripped his stomach, looking wearily down at the blood that stained his hands, adding to the amount of dried blood already there. <br/>
"Come on..." Thor picked his brother up as gently as possible, which for Thor meant it was fairly rough and Loki groaned slightly, glaring with tired eyes at the oaf. "Hush, brother." Thor sighed, used to being growled at by the other god. </p><p>He headed out of the room, down to the family wing and into his room. <br/>
The state of his brother was difficult to see, and he didn't understand how Loki had survived, he suspected another trick, but the state the other god was in... it wasn't good, and each moment that passed, he feared none of it was a trick, that it was all real. "What have you gotten yourself into now, Loki...?" He muttered, placing the skinny god down on his sofa. <br/>
Loki was pretty much unconscious at this point, though ground in pain at being put down, wrapping his arms around his middle. </p><p>Thor tutted, pulling his brothers hands away from the open wound. "Putting your bloody hands on an open wound is <em>not</em> a good idea, brother." he chastised the other, reluctant to leave but knowing he needed to grab the medical supplies stored in all suites of the palace. "Stay put, Loki. That's a warning." He stood, heading to the cupboard, keeping an eye on his brother, who was curling up on the sofa and groaning slightly, clenching his eyes shut. Thor quickly found the medical box and headed back to the sofa. "Step messing with it, Loki." He told the other softly, pulling his hands away once again and grabbing a cleansing wipe, trying to be gentle as he wiped his brothers' hands clean of the blood. He hadn't seen the many tiny cuts covering his palms and fingers before, but now he could and the sheer amount of blood was worrying to say the least. </p><p>Loki at this point was pretty much not paying any attention, falling back slowly into the darkness. If it wasn't for the pain, he would have been asleep already. <br/>
Thor moved on, beginning to wash his brother's face, who cracked his eyes open if only to glare at the other man, trying to pull back. Thor couldn't help but laugh softly, shaking his head. "Loki, please, I am just trying to help you. Stay still." <br/>
Loki looked about ready to stab his brother, but nothing else was new, so he closed his eyes again, too tired to bother with stabbing right now. </p><p>Thor got back to work. It seemed every part of his brother was covered in blood, it took a while to put his hair back, and to peel the blood-soaked clothes off of his chest so he could see the extent of the damage to his stomach from that blade. <br/>
"You didn't come..." Loki whispered, clenching his eyes shut and trying to put his hands on his wound again. <br/>
Thor took his hands once more, moving them away, unsure what to say. "I thought you dead." He muttered, though he knew it wasn't enough. "I should have, I know..." <br/>
"Understatement..." Loki coughed, making Thor roll his eyes. </p><p>"Despite the state you are in, you still manage to be like that." He smiled a little, beginning to clean the biggest and bloodiest wound. "I am glad you are, but you should not be here." It slipped out before he could stop himself from saying it and he earned a scoff in return. <br/>
"I am aware..." Loki whispered, just wanting to sleep. But he knew Thor wouldn't leave him until the wounds were at least sloppily cleaned and dressed. </p><p>Half way through that process he finally passed out, it was painful and it hurt and it was just too much. </p><p>Thor was even looking green at the damage done and the state his brother was in. He didn't understand how Loki could still be alive, or how he had managed to get back, or how he was going to explain to Odin that his brother hadn't actually died, but had sacrificed himself to save the worlds, so he didn't belong in the dungeon. Unsure Odin would listen to any of that. It was one thing for Loki to die for the worlds, he wasn't still around to punish for his sins that way, if he was still alive, Odin would probably throw him back in the dungeons. <br/>
In all honesty, Thor knew he should have trusted Loki after his sacrifice, but he was still struggling to get past all of the other things that had happened. Loki still hadn't explained New York, and while Thor knew he probably should have listened more to what his brother had to say about trying to destroy Jotunheim, he still had tried to destroy an entire realm. </p><p>"You're one to talk..." Loki whispered, his eyes still closed and it was obvious he was half asleep with exhaustion. Thor raised a confused brow, he hadn't spoken out loud, and last he checked, he was good at blocking his thoughts from prying ears. Though he also knew his brother was in no state to even <em>try</em> and read his mind. "You started it." Loki offered, the best he could, a smirk. <br/>
"<em>I</em> grew up." Thor reminded him. <br/>
"Ah, yes, I end up having my entire life flipped upside down and told to take over the throne during this, and I'm the bad guy, <em>excuse me</em> for having a bad time..." He took a deep, jagged breath, and Thor stared at him. He put it down to how tired his brother was at this point, but it was the most Loki had opened up to him in years. He sort of wanted to push it a bit, but knew that was unethical. "Don't make me stab you..." Loki warned, and Thor tried to ignore how his brother somehow knew what he was thinking. </p><p>"Go to sleep, Loki." Thor told him tiredly. "Tell me if you need anything."<br/>
"Mmm..." Loki grumbled, already falling asleep once again. <br/>
Having nothing else to do but to guard his brother and make sure he didn't open his wounds again, Thor moved over to the bed. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, the night had been strange and weird and confusing. But Loki was alive, and maybe, just a small possibility, he had <em>actually</em> changed. </p><p>Loki shook as he slept, feeling as if pins were stabbing him all over. His fists clenched and his jaw set and his body refused to let him simply rest. Life definitely hated him. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Time Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After an hour or so of blinking in and out of a fitful sleep, Loki groaned. It was impossible, the sleep he needed wouldn't come, Thor's heavy snoring filled the room and his head throbbed painfully.<br/>
Perhaps he should have just resigned himself to living in the cave between worlds, avoiding people for the rest of his useless existence. </p><p>It took way too long for him to wake himself up fully, and even longer to push himself off of the sofa. And he was becoming very annoyed with his legs continuously giving out beneath him, as he fell to the floor once again, landing hard with his elbows in his stomach, pushing against the wound and knocking all air from his lungs.<br/>
Coughing and spluttering, he rolled onto his side, groaning out in pain. </p><p>"Brother?" Thor's tired voice came, before a sigh and some shuffling. "Trying to escape already?" He chuckled, kneeling down. <br/>
"Go 'way, Thor..." Loki groaned, clenching his eyes shut. <br/>
Tutting, Thor pulled his brother's hands from his abdomen, seeing the blood from the reopened wound. "You couldn't have stayed put for one night?"<br/>
Loki glared up at the other god. "You snore too much."</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Thor sat his brother back, resting against the sofa and batting his hands away from the wound again. <br/>
After the wound was cleaned again, Thor snapped his fingers in front of Loki's closed eyes, earning a half-hearted thump on the chest as Loki attempted to push him away. "Now, brother, I want you to stay on the couch until morn, understand? It is only an hour or so."<br/>
<br/>
"Why did I bother coming here?" Loki sighed, but let Thor help him up, falling back down onto the sofa. "Perhaps I am wishing for an execution..." <br/>
Thor frowned. "Do not joke about such things, brother. One hour. I'm sure you can manage."</p><p>"Go away before I stab you." Loki growled, and they both knew full well that the god of thunder would have been stabbed by now if Loki had more strength. <br/>
Thor smiled widely, ruffling his brother's hair. Loki groaned when he batted Thor's hand away, pulling on the wound. </p><p>With no chance of falling back to sleep, and Thor heading into an adjoining room, the god of lies wasn't going to sit by and wait to be thrown back in the dungeons by Odin. He'd been stupid to attempt coming back here, he should have gone to another realm, somewhere he wouldn't be judged or mocked or thrown away like the monster he was. <br/>
He pushed himself up, attempting not to open the wound yet again, and forcing his legs not to buckle yet again. <br/>
<br/>
He'd managed to slowly make his way to the door by the time Thor returned. </p><p>He gripped the handle, dropping to his knees as pain radiated through him once again. Hissing through his teeth, he cursed at Thor as his brother pulled him up. "Always attempting to escape, aren't you, Loki?" Thor shook his head, disappointed to see his brother felt he wasn't safe with him. "Settle down." <br/>
Loki huffed, but he hadn't the strength to get away from the brute, taking a couple shaky steps back. "Why? Just let me leave, I'll be <em>fine</em>."</p><p>Thor raised a sceptical brow, folding his arms. "You can barely stand. And you're bleeding all over my carpet."<br/>
"Well, I do apologise!" Loki retorted, voice dripping in sarcasm. "I must get the cleaners in."<br/>
"Don't act like that, brother, here," Thor walked back over to the bed, grabbing two packed bags. "We will take the horses somewhere nearby, and lay low until I have spoken to father."<br/>
Loki shook his head. "Why?"<br/>
<br/>
Raising his brow again, Thor looked from the bags to his brother. "Loki, for once in your life, can you not admit that you need help?"<br/>
"I do <em>not</em> need help," Loki grumbled, though he could feel his legs shaking once again. "we both know Odin will not listen with me still alive and kicking. Even helpless and <em>bleeding</em> I'm better off on my own." He grit his teeth, quickly being held up by Thor. <br/>
<br/>
"Brother, do I have to carry you?" Thor quipped, earning a growl from Loki. Thor sighed. "Loki, put your arm around my shoulder so I can help you. Or would you much rather I lift you over my shoulder?"<br/>
Loki glared at him again. "Don't make me bleed on you..."</p><p>------------</p><p>It didn't take too long getting down to the horses - though hiding from the guards had been difficult. "Stay here a moment while I get the horses ready, ok?"<br/>
Loki didn't respond, but slid down the wall, landing on the floor with a soft sigh as he gripped his stomach again, just wanting the wound to go away, it was becoming a nuisance and stopping him from leaving before Odin found out he was here. "I don't have much choice..." He mumbled as Thor got the saddles up on the horses and strapped them on, sorting out the reigns and attaching those. The bags were strapped to the side baggage and Thor turned back to Loki. </p><p>"Come on, brother." He helped Loki back to his feet. "You can ride with me on the way there, until I know you won't fall off while riding alone." <br/>
"I am not an invalid." Loki argued, but let Thor help him onto the horse, trying not to pass out at the sudden burst of pain. He school his expression as well as he could as Thor climbed on the front and reluctantly wrapped his arms around his brother. "Don't make me stab you..." He muttered, though even he could tell his voice was tired and raspy. <br/>
"Hold on, brother." Thor smiled, pulling on the reigns. "I shall get us there soon."</p><p>------------</p><p>"How are you holding up, Loki?" Thor asked after a while of riding. </p><p>The sun was beginning to rise on the horizon, casting the fields in a golden light. The wind was nice and calming, however the movement of riding in the saddle was painful, especially when he didn't have enough energy to force himself to sit up right, let alone follow the movements of the horse. He would have asked his brother to slow down, but he wanted this over as quickly as possible, and Thor would only make a joke at his expense or worry for him; both of which he didn't need. </p><p>"Loki?"<br/>
He let out a small cough, pulling back from pretty much laying on the other god and looking dizzily down at his hand, covered in fresh blood. The front of his clean, simply tunic was stained, and the back of Thor's. His head was swimming, and every gallop made his body sway. He felt sick, and though it would be amusing to see Thor covered in vomit, he didn't much feel like throwing up again. <br/>
<br/>
"If you cannot answer with words, perhaps we should stop-"<br/>
"No, no..." He regretted speaking as soon as he opened his mouth, his forehead softly crashing against his brothers' back. He groaned slightly, his head throbbing and dizzy. </p><p>Thor slowly came to a stop. "Loki, can you let go for a second so I can dismount?" </p><p>There was a moments silence. </p><p>"Brother?"</p><p>Another moment, a tiny, pathetic groan, and Thor turned in the saddle, catching Loki as he moved with him, almost falling from the mount. </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Little Cottage on the Road</h2></a>
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    <p>"Come on, Loki... Wake up." </p><p>"Brother, please..."</p><p>Loki groaned, forcing his eyes open and looking at the blurry vision of Thor above him. "Not something you want to wake up to..." He grumbled, his voice rough with sleep. His eyes slowly drifted closed again. <br/>
"If you are well enough to make jokes, you are well enough to have some water." Thor told him, relieved to see Loki awake. <br/>
"Who said it was a joke?" Loki quipped, letting his brother help him sit up. </p><p>He looked down at the bandages across his middle, his brain waking up enough for him to take in his surroundings before Thor pressed a glass of water to him mouth. He batted the other god's hand away, taking the glass in shaky hands and quenching his thirst. "I am not inept." He grumbled. </p><p>They were in a small cottage, brickwork walls surrounding them, covered in shelves, knick-knacks, magical supplies and herbs. He'd never been here before, and he doubted Thor had either. Out the window he couldn't see any other houses or shops around, so it was safe to assume they were in some recluse location. "Are we where you wanted?" He asked, glancing back to Thor and looking down sceptically at the water, placing it to one side. He shouldn't trust anyone on Asgard, not after everything that had happened. </p><p>"No, not yet," Thor shook his head, glancing around the cottage. "you needed tending to, thankfully this place was nearby."<br/>
Loki frowned, he didn't like the idea of being in a random cottage. Though he doubted Thor had found a place that would be fully safe to take them anyway, just somewhere away from the castle and Odin. "Who's place is it then, oaf?" He shifted himself on the bed he sat on, wincing at the flash of pain in his stomach. "And how do you know the person who owns it is not tricking us?"</p><p>Thor sighed. "Always so untrusting, brother." He smiled a little. "You needed urgent help, Loki." He motioned to the other god's bare torso and the bandages that covered it. <br/>
"It was riding that horse." Loki shrugged a little. "I am fine, and I do not need help from a random cottage dweller in the middle of nowhere."</p><p>"Just for once, brother, can you not just accept help? Accept that you <em>need</em> help?"<br/>
Loki gave his brother a pointed look. "No."<br/>
<br/>
"The prince has woken." A new voice came, and the two boys looked to the door, where a robed woman walked in, placing down a basket on the counter. <br/>
Thor stood. "Thank you again for the medical supplies."<br/>
The woman smiled, pulling her hood down to reveal pointed ears and rune marks dotting her skin. "Won't make a dint in my wares, prince Thor." She shrugged, before turning her attention to Loki, who looked suspicious of her. "Feeling any better?"<br/>
<br/>
"Why have you helped us? What do you have to gain?" He asked, his court mask slipping back into place and the cold tone barely covering the pain in his voice. <br/>
The elf smiled a little. "Nothing. If anything take it as a thank you."<br/>
Loki raised a brow. "A thank you? What for?"<br/>
"Well, although you didn't succeed in destroying Jotunheim, it was the best thing to do. Those monsters deserved it." She shrugged, folding her arms. </p><p>Loki's expression darkened and his frown deepened. "Right..."<br/>
"How long until we will be able to travel again?" Thor asked, changing the subject and discreetly taking the dagger that appeared from Loki's hand before she could see it. <br/>
Loki swayed, clenching his eyes shut for a moment, perhaps magic wasn't a good idea right now, judging by the daggers of pain that stabbed through his head. <br/>
<br/>
The elf began unpacking what was in the basket. "You can travel as soon as you want to, your highness. I've cleaned and healed his wound as best I can, you should take care not to open it again;" she turned her attention to Loki, offering a pointed look. "and try to keep it cleaned to stop risk of infection. I've packed some potions for you, they should help the healing process."</p><p>Loki huffed, wrapping his arms around his torso and letting his head lull back. <br/>
"Thank you," Thor smiled at the elf. "I think he needs more rest-"<br/>
"I am <em>fine</em> to travel." Loki growled, glaring at his brother. "And I can speak for myself, and you can <em>address</em> me <em>yourself</em>, rather than talking to <em>him</em> and assuming I am not here." </p><p>The elf bowed her head a slight way. "Apologies, prince Loki." She smiled a little. "While I would recommend a few more days rest and recovery, your brother ahs informed me you will be heading to the local village Escuahray anyway, it isn't a long journey from here, so you should be ok if you are feeling up to it."</p><p>Loki watched her for a moment, but nodded in acknowledgement, his face still stern. "Thank you."</p><p>------------</p><p>It didn't take long for them to get themselves ready to go, Loki sporting a fresh tunic not covered in blood. <br/>
"I shall let you thank her yourself, brother." Thor told him as he packed the bags and attached them to the horses. <br/>
"What for?" Loki grumbled. "It would have been more a blessing if she had let me perish." He turned his attention to the elf as she made her way out of the cottage and over toward them. </p><p>"Here, the potions I promised. And if you need help in the future, I'm always available to aid the princes." She smiled, handing over a pouch of jars. <br/>
Loki accepted the pouch. "I am no prince." He told her, handing the bag to Thor, who in turn attached it with the rest of the luggage. Loki sighed. "My brother demands I pay thanks to you."<br/>
She shrugged. "There's no need. He's thanked me many times over the past few days while we waited for you to wake."<br/>
"Days...?" Loki whispered, not sure whether to believe her or not. </p><p>"Come along, brother, we should be at the village by sundown." Thor urged him, motioning to the horse. </p><p>Loki sighed, shuffling over to the mount and pretending it didn't hurt to walk. His cut up hands rubbed against the reigns as he thought about how exactly to pull himself up onto the horse without injuring himself too much - mostly just so Thor didn't get worried. </p><p>Before he could say anything else, his brother had lifted him and placed him on the creature, ignoring his indignant threats of stabbing. "Hush, brother, accept the help."<br/>
"If you tell me that on more time I shall leave in the dead of night never to return." Loki grumbled, looking away across the fields as Thor laughed and said his goodbyes to the elf who had helped them. </p><p>They were soon travelling, taking it slow on the horses. Loki was growing more and more tired as the hours went on, the movement of the horse hurting seen as he couldn't sit right with his injury. He ignored Thor whenever he tried to start a conversation, and Thor glanced worriedly to him when he thought he wasn't paying attention. </p><p>"Here we are, brother." Thor called out after a couple of hours. </p><p>There sat a small village a few minutes ride down the path, a few villagers bustling about, closing down the market stalls that were still open since the sun was beginning to set on the horizon. Loki managed to make his eyes focus on the little place, stiffening in his saddle at the sight of people. People who would judge him for the things he'd done or shit all over his true heritage. Sounded so much fun...<br/>
<br/>
"I recognise this place..." He muttered. Frigga used to take them both to different spots around Asgard for time away from the palace. The village had grown and expanded, but it was definitely the same place, he focused his hearing, the faint sound of a waterfall gushing in the background. "Why have you bought us here...?" He asked, looking to Thor, trying to steal his pained expression. He didn't want to think about Frigga, he didn't want to be reminded how he'd failed her. </p><p>"You know better than anyone that there are blank spaces in the realm father cannot see, you're the one who taught me about them after all." Thor explained. "The first you ever found was the waterfall here, so we are staying at the small cabin next to it for a short while, until I have explained to father what has happened."<br/>
"So just prolonging my execution." Loki frowned, turning his exhausted and spent attention back to the village as they slowly rode down the street. "Can you not just let him swing the axe? I am too tired of pretending to care about existing."</p><p>Thor glanced in worry to Loki once again. "You should not make jokes like that, brother." He warned. "You know as well as I that you do not wish to die."<br/>
"Mmm..." Loki didn't dignify that with a response, not bothering to look back to Thor as they arrived at the cabin. </p><p>"I shall get set up inside, give me your bags." Thor told him, taking the packs from him. "Can you take the horses to the tie-poles over there?" He motioned to the small sheltered stable poles to one side of the tiny lake that came from the churning waterfall. </p><p>"I think I can manage it..." Loki muttered, just wanting to pass out or escape to another realm, one or the other. </p><p>He did as asked, if only to keep the oaf quiet. It was a struggle to get off of the saddle and back on the ground again, gripping on the reigns as his legs wobbled and closing his eyes tight, trying to fight off the pain for now. "I am growing sick of this..." he whispered to himself, managing to get the horses tied up. He stroked his steed down the nose, smiling a little, rubbing his eyes as he turned back towards the cabin. </p><p>After a few steps, the shredding pain returned, surrounding his entire being, sinking into his bones and crippling him to his knees beside the pool, gripping the grass with desperate hands. Why did this keep happening? A flash of magic, and he was no longer in the little village Frigga had once took his to, laying by the lake, curled up on himself. </p><p>He lay in a cell, and his wound had reopened. </p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Cell</h2></a>
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    <p>He tried to suck breath into his lungs, staring ahead as he tried to force his brain into functioning.<br/>
It was hard past the flashing pain in his being, gripping at his stomach with shaking hands as he took in the golden borders of the cell that contained him.</p><p>It was agony.</p><p>Hell.</p><p>Why was he here? How did he find himself back in the cell he'd spent over a year in, whittling away while Odin sat upon the throne, hypocritical and pompous. He had thought he was done with this place, that he'd payed his debts. Yet here he lay, struggling to breathe and even stay conscious.</p><p>Had Odin found himself and Thor? Had he been thrown back in the prison without his knowledge?</p><p>Soft gasps bought small pieces of air back to him as he felt the pool of blood from his wound work its way atop his palms. A guard glanced toward him, but returned to looking forward, ignoring the prince. Loki growled, fighting his way to staying awake, hoping to figure out what was going on.<br/>
He couldn't focus through the pain, gritting his teeth to the point he thought he might shatter them in his mouth, stars dancing in his vision, agony radiating through his entire being.</p><p>It didn't take long, and all too much time, too long a stretch of pain and lack of oxygen, before he finally, eventually, passed out in a pool of his own blood.</p><p>------------</p><p>"Loki!" Thor shook him, causing his brother to jump back, gasping for air and almost hyperventilating, before he realised oxygen returned to his lungs. "Brother, calm down..." Thor hedged, holding his hands up in what Loki could only assume was supposed to be a calming motion.</p><p>He placed tentative fingers to his stomach, holding back a hiss at the pain from the slightest touch against the freshly-opened wound. He let a shaky breath enter and exit his lips in quick succession, his eyes darting around as he took in the sound of the waterfall, the neighing of the horses. He glanced over to Thor, seeing the simple tunic, not the cloak he had worn when he came to retrieve him from that gods-damned cell. He was back in the little village, he was stuck with his brother, but he wasn't stuck in that tiny cage for all eternity...</p><p>"Can you stand?" Thor asked, noticing that Loki had managed to calm his breathing.<br/>
Loki nodded a little, pushing himself up, wrapping his arms around his centre and letting Thor place an arm around his shoulders, leading him toward the little cottage they were staying at.</p><p>He headed straight for the counter in the kitchen, grabbing the medical supplies the oaf had placed there and grabbing the bag in shaking hands, almost dropping it.<br/>
"Brother, are you ok?" Thor asked, observing the other god as he avoided looking at him.<br/>
"I am fine, Thor." Loki answered, though couldn't fully hide the shiver in his voice. "I wish to be alone. I need to rest." He added, though he figured it would hardly appease the other.</p><p>Thor stepped forward as Loki half-turned to him, glancing at him. He looked exhausted, but anxious, his eyes still not focusing. "Loki...-"<br/>
"Goodnight, brother..." Loki muttered, taking his leave into one of the bedrooms, thankfully the one that held his stuff and not his brothers, and closed the door behind him, locking it with shaky hands and sucking in sharp breaths into tight lungs.</p><p>He clenched his eyes shut, gripping too hard onto the door-handle and biting into his lip as he sunk to his knees, gripping his fingers into his hair and feeling the pain across his scalp. "Stop it..." He rasped, pleading with he didn't know what, he just wanted it to end. "Just stop..." He told himself, trying to just calm down, to ground himself in reality. </p><p>His shaking fingers moved to his middle again, pressing slightly and feeling the blood soak his fingers, looking down at the deep red that coated them. </p><p>Opening the bag of medical supplies, he pulled out what looked to be ointment of some sort, almost dropping it because of how much his body was rattling. He managed to open it, placing it to one side as he pulled on the tunic, wincing and making a quiet, strangled noise as it peeled and ripped away from the bloody wound, reopening any of it that had actually managed to heal. He threw the tunic to one side, not exactly caring where it landed and grabbed the bottle again, pouring some of the salve onto his fingers and taking as deep a breath as he could before pressing it into his wound, hissing immediately at the sharp string that ricocheted through his middle. <br/>
<br/>
His breathing quivered as he dropped the bottle back into the bag, pushing the other supplies around before he found some pills, practically throwing the top of the bottle off and shaking a few out onto his hand. He paused for a moment, his mind wondering to the amount of pills that sat in the bottle, one enough to take away the majority of the pain - according to the elf who supplied them - but a bottle was enough to silence the images and memories that flashed through his shaken mind. </p><p>A cold, hard cell, no food, or water, no bed other than what he could conjure; or Frigga could supply for him. </p><p>Being tied up in chains, passed around and thrown between chitari after chitari, Thanos and his followers, having to bargain for his life and being tricked further until his mind felt it wasn't his own. His thoughts were changed and guided by subliminal hatred and fear. </p><p>Torture and agony, whips, stripping his flesh and leaving trails of crimson.</p><p>Hiding all emotions and schooling his expression to everyone and everything, because it would only hurt more if he didn't.</p><p>He clenched his eyes shut, gripping the bottle in hand and taking as many short breaths as he could, simply to bring oxygen into his lungs. "Stop. Stop it!" He told himself, though it wasn't as simple as ignoring the flashes. Not having much other choice for bringing himself back to the present, to reality, he pressed his hand into his wound, pushing with force into the centre of the pain and unknowing if he'd screamed in pain or managed to suppress it. </p><p>He shivered now, his whole being rocking as if electricity ran through him, but he managed to suck in air past his clenched teeth, managed to bring oxygen into his lungs as he came back to reality. It was as if he could feel his feet, landing back down on the ground after flying, his being grounding itself back down and to the immense pain he found himself in.<br/>
He took the pill in his palm, forcing it down as he'd forgotten to bring anything to drink into the room with him. </p><p>And after a moment to breathe, he started to feel the pain ebb away slowly, not fully, but it wasn't as bad as it was before. </p><p>Eventually he managed to push himself into standing, resting against the door for a moment and steadying his breaths, before pushing off and stumbling toward the bed, grabbing a roll of bandages on his way and wrapping them tightly around his middle, hoping that simple force would keep the blood contained. In all honesty, he was simply too tired - and drowsy from the pills, now they were taking effect - to think of another plan, and the last time he had reached for his magic it had been painful. </p><p>So, he dropped down onto the mattress, his eyes closing as he tried to settle, and soon, fell into sleep. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok this chapter didn't turn out how I had envisioned but meh, not much I can do now.</p>
<p>I hope you enjoy, will be updating as soon as possible.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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